All is fair in love…and actually in everything!

“In life, loyalties can shift so quickly that at times it is hard to believe if they were really there in the first place”…


I must have been around ten. In those days, unlike today, houses of a colony hardly had their doors closed, except when people were sleeping or weren’t at home. In such an era, we had this strange fascination of making ‘bhaiyyas’ and ‘didis’ (as if each one of us did not have enough of them). And the best part was that we would be staunchly devoted to them (even more than to our own). I had one such didi and we would meet mostly in summer vacation.

Now, this didi and one bhaiyya liked each other in a special way. And I was one of the messengers for them (I faintly recall that I had even taken an oath to swallow the chit if I would get caught). Yes! Those were innocently exciting days when love involved a lot of chemistry, introductory physics, and hardly any biology. And strangely, for me, it was a love-story that was as dear to me as it was to the protagonists.

But, one not-so-fine day, didi told me that they had broken up, and that she will have to marry someone else. For days, I remember feeling the blues… I was devastated!

However, what devastated me more was the fact that within a few weeks, I saw didi talking about this new arranged man in her life with the same (even more) attachment with which she used to talk about ‘the bhaiyya’ she had been with for years.

I was sad, I was angry, and more than that… I was ‘confused’.

Well! In years to come, I witnessed such shifting of sides in all realms – families, friends, relatives, colleagues, associates etc. And as I matured, my sadness, anger and confusion turned into curiosity. Moreover, when I chose a stream of ‘helping people develop themselves’, I started studying every such shift more minutely…

And in the pursuit, I realized that while people like to love, care, cater and benefit; more than that, they want to be loved, ‘cared for’, ‘catered to’ and ‘get benefitted’. And whenever they see a promise of a lasting and convenient supply of all this, more often than not, most of them shift their loyalties.

It is natural. It is logical. And it is…‘human’.


But you know what! Even after all the insight and maturity, I still feel sad for that bhaiyya.

However…I seem to have forgiven didi. 🙂

About Sandeep Atre

Sandeep Atre, PhD: Dr. Sandeep Atre is the Founder-Director of Socialigence – an organization that specializes in the development of ‘Social Intelligence’ through its focused online-courses and customized workshops on ‘observing nonverbal behavior and understanding emotions for greater interpersonal effectiveness and self-management’. ( He is also one of the Founder-Directors of CH EdgeMakers - a leading ‘Coaching and Training’ group of Central India. In his career of close to one and a half decade, he has trained thousands of students, and professionals of more than fifty organizations and institutions. He has authored two books “Understanding Emotions Logically – A layman’s guide to the foundations of Social Intelligence” and “Observing Nonverbal Behavior – An exhaustive guide to the essential skill of Social Intelligence” and has also been a noted blogger for last many years. He has also featured at various prestigious platforms as a ‘Management Speaker’ and ‘Motivational Orator’ and has also served on various advisory and editorial boards. He has earned repute for his value-additive innovation and holistic methodology in his domain.
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