The Biggest curse for capable people is…

Biggest curse for modern human is not the desire to multitask but the ability to multitask.

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As I often discuss in my sessions on social & emotional intelligence, multitasking is about sacrificing depth for width. Yes! You shouldn’t do something just because you can do it. In fact, often a greater willpower is required not in ‘doing something you can’t do’ but in ‘not doing something that you can do’. As I often tell people…“professionalism is ability to postpone pleasure”.

Anyways, so this is how the battle inside capable persons typically goes: “There are so many things that they want to do. And all of them look important. When they begin to do one thing, the thought of ‘doing the next thing’ or ‘not doing the other thing’ keeps intervening. They feel as if something is slipping out of their hands – time or opportunity. And that makes them even more restless”.

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Well! Problem is not that you want everything. Problem is that you want everything together and now.

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Why most people fail to develop new habits!

The only way to learn a new thing is to keep doing it until it becomes old. 🙂

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So, why do most people fail to develop new habits?

Well! Beginning to develop a habit is thrilling! After all, you are doing something new; so you feel excitement, hope and optimism. You feel a sense of control on your destiny. You feel important. You feel liberated. You feel creative. You feel powerful. You feel… good.

But then after sometime, the newness goes away. Now, there is hardly any excitement. It’s monotony. It’s drudgery. It’s ritual. It’s repetitive. It’s routinized. And though it is still challenging, the problem is that challenge is not fresh – it’s stale. You feel…not so good.

Yes! People fail to develop new habits, not because it is tough to do so, but because it is boring to do so.

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Embrace boredom, embrace change.

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Forgive, but do not forget.

Move on’ in life, but move on as a wiser person.

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There will always be people who will hurt you – sometimes unintentionally and at other times ‘intentionally’. When they do, it is natural for you to take it to heart for a while. But as time passes, you have a choice of either ‘keeping it in heart’ or ‘letting go’.

But I think there is a third alternative. You can forgive the person and not forget the learnings. Yes! You should store the factual portion of the feeling and let the feeling gradually recede. Easier said than done, but surely worth a try!

After all, it is not the person but the act that hurt you. And don’t forget that other people in your life are also perfectly capable of repeating that act. So, update the database and let it work at the backend. Ok Ok! Before you object, I should admit that yes it is difficult to analyze your own hurt by being objective.

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But then…we have to learn to do so, to achieve a higher…objective.

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The first step towards getting what you want is…

To get ‘what’ you want, you have to first know what it is.

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The reason why most people get disillusioned in the pursuit of success is because they have not really defined it. It remains a sketchy notion in their minds that keeps changing all the time. I do respect that definition is supposed to change at various stages of life or after a life-changing event; and it is also equally important to keep raising the benchmarks.

However, the definition cannot be short-term or short-lived. And it also cannot be based on a ‘socially constructed’ idea of what it is. It has to emerge from within you, and should be a manifestation of your values, talents and intrinsic desires. Call it ‘vision’, ‘mission’ or some other good-sounding word, the only criterion is that it should truly represent ‘you’.

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After all…‘what you want’ should come from ‘who you are’. 🙂

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What travelling teaches you…

It is important to travel, as it helps you dismantle the notion that ‘your world is just some relationships… a pursuit called work… and a concept called home’.

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When you travel, you recognize the vastness of the world we live in…the variety of situations life can conceive…the vividness of experiences on offer…and the value of human-connect beyond one’s concentric orbits. It challenges you and introduces you to yourself in a way nothing else can. It makes you unlearn and relearn. And it helps you review your perspective and restore your sanity.

But most importantly, it also helps you miss what you are away from.

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Yes! It is important to travel, as it helps you realize the truth that ‘your world is just some relationships… a pursuit called work… and a concept called home’. 🙂

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New rules of using heart.

People still have a heart! It’s just that now they use it selectively.      

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I have known this road side vendor for long. He has profile of a typical 20 something man from that humble background – dropped out of school at some point of time…got into wrong company…went through a tough patch…began working to earn livelihood…settled for something that worked.

He is man of few words, and rude to the point of being aggressive. I have often seen him fighting with the people near whose building he places his cart, or arguing with people who park vehicle in front of his cart; but have never seen him emotional or vulnerable.

Today, I saw a boy assisting him. When I enquired, he told me that the boy was deaf & dumb who didn’t have any active support. And then he said “Sir, do time khana khila doonga aur itne paise de doonga ki bigde nahin. Kisi ko to sochna padega naa!

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The difference is clear – earlier people used to use their heart when they were meant to. Now they use it when they want to or when…you deserve it.

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What men should know about women!

What men should learn to understand is that when a woman smiles at them, then often it only means ‘you are interestingand notshe is interested’! 🙂      

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A characteristic problem with most (not all) men is that they try to read a tad too much. At times, a gesture conveying ‘I like you’ can only mean ‘I like you’ and doesn’t necessarily translate into ‘there is a spark.” or ‘would like to see you again!’ or ‘stay in touch!’ or ‘be around.’ or ‘there is more to it…’ or ‘you never know’!

And even ‘I like you’ doesn’t mean ‘I will like you forever’. It only means ‘I like you’ right now…for time being…for a specific reason…in a particular context…in the mood I am in…till I change my mind. But the issue is that such complex womanly feelings are too complicated for binary-thinking men.

And they are only too happily eager to spot an illusory thing they are searching for – a cue…a clue…a hint. What they don’t understand is that at times, it is good to simply smile back at a smile, and move on.

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I know that by now, you must be asking a question – ‘How does this guy know all this’?

Well! My answer is… “Can we change the topic”! 🙂 🙂 🙂

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So ‘mean’ingful!

Sometimes all you want is to get back at people who were mean towards you.     

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Even when you know that they were mean for all sorts of reasons

Some of them did it unintentionally…some of them were venting their venom out…some of them were victim of their own circumstances…some of them did it out of jealousy…some of them did it out of frustration…some of them badly wanted to feel good about themselves…some of them wanted to get even with you… some of them wanted to test you…some of them simply wanted to hurt you… and some of them were just wired to be so.

Sometimes all you want is to get back at people who were mean towards you.

But then you realize that their reasons to be mean were far more valid than yours.

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So…you drop the idea. 🙂

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The Sunset point

He is past his prime…” I heard them saying about him.    

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And they were not talking about some cricketer. They were talking about a man whose journey I have followed closely over the years, right through his pretty high ‘ups’ and equally low ‘downs’. He came…he saw…he conquered. And then one day, he threw caution to the wind, to only be hit by a strong storm…falling steeply from dizzy heights…to find himself in a state they called “way past his prime”.

You know what…

One day they will say this about me… about you. And the worst part is that probably they will be right. On that day, don’t sulk or fume. Close your eyes, and then later go for a walk, and introspect. If you think what they say has merit then ‘take a break’ or ‘revive’ or ‘reinvent’ or ‘reposition’ or ‘find where you can be of value even with your averageness’.

And if nothing works then walk away into the woods with grace

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…to find new meanings and purposes.

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You better be good!

Goodness is not a medal to be worn, it is a choice to be made.   

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And like any other choice, it comes with a set of consequences – you are sometimes left vulnerable, sometimes stranded, sometimes outraged, sometimes taken advantage of, sometimes underestimated, sometimes finishing last, sometimes manipulated, sometimes taken granted for, sometimes shortchanged, and sometimes simply ignored.

That’s why the only way you can remain ‘good’ is by developing a strong deep-rooted self-esteem – an ability to shrug it off with a smile, to forget the sting, to forgive the rascals, to take the rejection in your stride, to again take a leap of faith, to ignore the talk behind the back, to retain the innocence to trust, and to not let humiliation define your self-worth.

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Well! It is not an easy road that anyone can tread. It is only meant for the ‘league extraordinaire’. 🙂

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