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Good listeners listen not only to the other person, but also to themselves.     

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In a world where people find it hard to ‘really listen’ to the other person, understandably a major part of ‘listening’ that most people are ‘unaware of’ or ‘negligent towards’ is listening to ‘themselves’ during a conversation. However, when incorporated, that’s what makes ‘listening’ complete and significant.

Yes, in a conversation, listen to yourself as well – What did you say? Was it what you really wanted to say? Did it make sense? Was it relevant? Was it logical? Was it apt? How will the other person perceive it? How will it affect them? How will it change course of the conversation? Why did you say it?

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It’s not for nothing that the ears closest to your mouth are your own.

Nothing hurts one more than an indifferent God and an uninterested parent.    

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Few things have a deeper impact on an individual than how they are parented. While you can script your life as you grow up, your emotional vocabulary – for better or worse – gets installed right at the outset. Yes, you learn to make sense of the world by engaging with the ones who introduce you to it.

And what if they are there but ‘not there’ for you – too busy with other things, too invested elsewhere, too distracted by their own issues, too forgetful to pay attention, or too negligent to navigate? Well, then what happens is that ‘nothing happens’. The result is a person with voice but no vocabulary.

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It’s like having a God who was making you and lost interest in the middle of it.

The ‘ability to diffuse tension’ is also a required part of a leader’s skillset.    

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Whether at workplace or at homes, all is not well always. There are difficult moments and tense phases. Well, in such situations, most people are simply clueless. They don’t know what to do and stay inert, just like that flowerpot in the corner – waiting to be picked up, both in matter and in spirit.

But a leader cannot leave things to chance or wait inertly. While he must be patient and give ample time for ‘tension’ to run its due course of time, it is important for him to also know when to pitch in and lift the room up and back to normalcy. And it’s not some inborn talent. Like any other skill…

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“It starts with awareness, goes via knowledge and culminates on practice”.

जब आप झूठ बोलते हैं, तो ध्यान से देखिये कि ‘क्यों’ बोलते हैं.

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मेरा काम सही-ग़लत तय करना या सही-ग़लत से ऊपर उठ कर बात करना नहीं है बल्कि कोई रवैया या बर्ताव ‘जो भी है जैसा भी है’ उसकी ‘वजह’ की समझ लाना और उस समझ से बेहतरी लाना है. इसलिए मैं आपसे ये नहीं कह रहा कि आप कभी ‘झूठ’ मत बोलिये, क्योंकि ये ना तो मुमकिन है और ना ही मुनासिब.

पर हां, ये ज़रुर देखिये कि आप ‘झूठ’ क्यों बोल रहे हैं – किसी का दिल रखने के लिए…कुछ बिगड़ा बनाने के लिए…कोई ‘दांव’ पर लगी अहम चीज़ बचाने के लिए? या कुछ बेचने के लिए…बेवक़ूफ़ बनाने के लिए…फायदा उठाने के लिए? या अच्छा दिखने का जतन…उलझता हुआ अवचेतन…या यूं ही बस आदतन.     

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कभी कभी झूठ बोलने की ‘वजह’ झूठ से ज़्यादा नुक़सान करती है.

खुद से भागता हुआ शख्स कितना भी दूर निकल आए सुकून नहीं पाता.

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जिंदगी भी अजीब शय है कभी ऐसे मक़ाम पर ले आती है कि इंसान अपने ही ज़हन से आज़ाद होने के लिए छटपटाने लगता है. और फिर शुरु होता है सिलसिला एक अजीब सी बेचैनी का, जो न ठीक से खाने देती है और न सोने. दिन अनमने हो जाते हैं और रातें नींद से ख़ाली. रिश्ते रवायत को निभाते रहने की मजबूरी और काम रिश्तों से भागने का ज़रिया.

अपनी परछाई भी पीछा करती सी लगती है और हर ‘ख़ैर खबर’ पूछने वाला ‘बांधने की कोशिश करता सा. ऐसे में लगता है ‘बंजारे’ हो जाओ. चल पड़ो जहां लम्हे का मिज़ाज ले जाए. कहीं भी बिना-शर्त रुक जाओ, कभी भी बिना-बताए फिर चल दो. पर दिक्क़त ये है कि सब कर जाने के बावजूद ‘बेचैनी’ है कि जाती ही नहीं, बस कम-ज़्यादा होती रहती है.     

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भागिये मत, जागिये – सोचिये, सुलझाइये, फैसले लीजिये, आगे बढ़िए.

People who perform averagely yet consistently are important equally.    

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Everyone hails the superstars in the team – the movers and shakers. And honestly, they deserve it as well, because excellence is not easy, as it takes a lot out of you. But due to this exhausting burden of performing in the top gear, these superstars are prone to ups and downs – an awkward inconsistency.

Then there are plain workers – the hoovers and bakers. There is nothing special about them. They have neither an eye for detail nor a heart for creation, and only churn out average stuff. But you know what! By doing their job with an optimum quality but day in day out, they keep ship steady and wolves at bay.

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Well, for what they secure and procure, they deserve ‘respect’ for sure.

For growing kids, parents are the ‘opposing force’ they discover and build their strength through.    

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Visualize a wrestler doing pushups. What is he doing? He is actually pushing the floor, and in the process discovering as well as building his strength. Now imagine that the floor crumbles. What will happen then? Or for that matter, imagine if the floor starts pushing the wrestler back. What will happen now?

Similar is the case of parenting a teenager. Teenagers will always push their parents – disagree, argue, hurt, challenge, rebel; and that too to the extent that the parents will begin to feel disrespected and unwanted. As a result, some of them feel hopeless, some retaliate, and some of them simply walk out.

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But hey! Don’t you leave ‘Dads and Moms’! You are the floor. Stay there. Work is in progress…

Some people prove their existence by creating, and some by…destroying.    

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All humans have an intrinsic desire to matter – to prove that they also exist and have an identity. After all, insignificance is such a humiliating feeling. You feel as if you are just an ant in the universe. That’s why, people, in their orbits and in devised ways, ensure that somehow their presence gets ‘registered’.

And two fundamental ways in which they do so is by ‘supporting’ or ‘opposing’, ‘hailing’ or criticizing, or let’s broadly say – by constructing or destroying. But while constructing is hard and lengthy, destroying is easier. That’s why you see those who are ‘unable’ to create almost becoming…‘liable’ to destroy.

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To Greeks, ‘Eros’ is God (drive) of creation and ‘Thanatos’ of destruction. Alas! They coexist in us.

At times, ‘love’ is such a mundane word for what you feel for someone.    

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You just struggle to define what exactly it is – you feel a strong connection, you are attached to them, you feel restless if they are sad, you want them to be happy, you like to hear their voice, you trust them implicitly, you tell them first when you have something to say, and you look for reasons to be with them.

Still, there is hardly a wish to make them ‘yours’, there is barely an urge to possess, there is seldom any jealousy for ones who share them with you, and there is rarely a romantic ripple escalating into a fleshly yearning. Well, there’s just one desire – to have them alongside as you walk through life’s journey.

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At times, ‘love’ is such a mundane word for what you feel for someone.

Sometimes, people secretly start enjoying their problems.    

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They begin to selectively talk to people who feed their ‘sense of problem’ by discussing in detailed and even exaggerated ways, and avoid those who refuse to collaborate in their masochistic game and rather try to bring their focus away from problem and towards a solution mindset. But why do they do so?

Well, it all starts with a genuine craving for empathy – they just want to be heard and understood. But gradually, they begin to prefer ‘comfortable inertia of mere discussing’ over ‘discomforting proposition of doing something about it’. Add to it the ‘attention’ they are getting, and you’ve got them ‘hooked’!

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Alas! It’s akin to ‘itching for pleasure’, and ending up with a wound.