It happened a few years back…
I had joined an exercise club to get rid of a nagging problem with my neck. The club owner was this 50- year old stud who could give an inferiority complex to any dude in the town (or the downtown). He was this old-school guy who believed that the mental toughness and physical wellness essentially have a vice versa relationship.
I still remember when one morning I went there at a time close to noon when the early-comers who would work-out out of inspiration were all gone and only a few late-draggers like me (who work-out out of the guilt of not coming early) were fooling (themselves) around.
He was in his cabin. I went there to wish him but struck a bit of casual conversation. While talking I happened to look at a photograph on the wall (which I had seen many times but had never remarked upon). That somewhat-old photograph had a politician (a well-known one in the region) with a few people surrounding him; and his father being one of them.
He pointed towards his father and said “Bauji ka badaa maan thaa…” and when he found me all ears towards him (I don’t think he expected that!), he continued talking about his father, his clout in the village, his benevolence, his profession that he has inherited…etc…etc…
And then he paused for a few seconds and said “Aur phir wo chale gaye…bina kisiko takleef diye…” then he again paused and said “Unhone mere liye itna kiya aur main unke liye kuchh bhi nahin kar paaya…kuchh bhi nahin…”
It was then that I suddenly realized that actually he was crying…his face was all wet with tears and he just kept speaking the same sentence while looking down…and tears kept rolling down his cheeks. Then he wiped his tears and said “Wo tab gaye the…ab jaa ke roya hoon”…
That episode only reintroduced me to a fact…in the name of maturity we only grow increasingly complex…in the name of strength we only tend to become more unnatural…denying the truth that we can never be stronger than the very emotions that define our existence. We, the suppressors…don’t realize that we can only stop emotions but can never end them…only to find them resurfacing in the most unlikely moments and the most unceremonious contexts…
I still have that nagging problem in the neck…and also a vivid memory of the lump in his throat…and this precious realization that the pain, the pleasure, the angst, the anguish, the grief, the restlessness and what-not will anyways run their natural course…let’s see them through to see through them…
Wait a minute! Can this also suggest that I started blogging for the same reasons?
Well! I would like to believe it is not so…and still hope it is.
