“In life, sometimes, the battles are not fought violently…but just… silently”!
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The other day, I was buying fruits from a slightly elderly vendor. There was one other customer alongside. He was being a tad too choosy, and suddenly the fruit-vendor got visibly upset and said to him “I don’t want to sell it to you now. No! I really don’t! You go to another shop”.
Honestly, the man got caught off-guard, yet, in response, he used kinder words and even apologized, asking the fruit-vendor to forgive him and to not ruin the day for himself due to his act. The old man was defiant for a while but as the man remained insistent, he let him buy from his shop and by the end, even got mellowed down and also quite apologetic.
On our way back, the loved one accompanying me said “Well! The man really sacrificed his ego today”. In turn, I looked at her and said “He didn’t sacrifice his ego, he..defended it”.
I explained… “Had the man got angry or left the shop, the old man would have had it his way. But he didn’t let that happen. He didn’t let the old man decide how it would end. The old man might have started scripting the ‘beginning of the end’, but that man wrote the ‘end of the end’. And the best part was that the vendor could see the balance tilting in the man’s favor, but at no point did the man give him enough fuel to fight back. You could say that ‘man didn’t knock old man out, he simply evened him out. And he knows that too’”.
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Well! “Don’t mistake politeness for ego-less-ness, as often, it is actually its more refined form, which becomes the decider in the subtle games of one-upmanship”.
About Sandeep Atre
Dr. Sandeep Atre:
• Counseling Psychologist and an internationally recognized ‘Emotional & Social Intelligence’ Expert, with experience of more than two decades in helping people ‘sort out’ and ‘excel in’ intrapersonal and interpersonal matters. He holds a PhD in Management and a Master’s degree in Psychology (www.dratrecounsels.com).
• Founder of Socialigence – a venture specializing in development of ‘Social & Emotional Intelligence’ and its offshoot interpersonal skills through workshops and an award-winning online course rooted in neuroscience and psychology (www.socialigence.net).
• Author of two books related to his domain, namely - “Understanding Emotions Logically” and “Observing Nonverbal Behavior”; and third book on various aspects of life, named “Two Paras of Everyday Wisdom”. Moreover, the collection of his Nazms and Ghazals is published as a book titled “Baat Jazbaat Ki”.
• Corporate Trainer, with experience of close to two decades. Has conducted 150+ workshops/sessions for 50+ organizations & institutions like CSC, Cummins, Piramal, Ranbaxy, Lupin, Bridgestone, Michelin, Eicher, Maruti, Force, Idea, Airtel, NBHC, SBI, HDFC, L&T, Zydus, Thapar University, Banasthali, Narsee Monjee, Symbiosis, IIFM Bhopal, Azim Premji University, Nirma, Welingkar & IBS Hyderabad.
• Co-Founder and Director of CH EdgeMakers – a leading ‘Coaching and Training’ organization of central India for more than 24 years. He has trained close to 100 thousand students for ‘Soft Skills’ & ‘Entrance & Recruitment Preparation’ (www.ch-india.com).
• ‘Management Speaker and Orator’. Has featured at platforms like TEDx, IIM, IIT, NIT, CII, YI, CII-IWN, TCS, IMA, ICAI, ECA, ISHRAE, NEN, Sahodaya, Aditya Birla Education Academy, Round Table, LinkedIn Local, Rotary International, MP State’s Teachers’ Training, Academic Staff College DAVV, Police University Rajasthan, Police Training Academy Indore & more than 100 institutions.
• Member of noted associations and boards. Has been an ‘Executive Committee’ member of Indore Management Association. Associate Editor of IMA publications. Governing Council Member of Banasthali University’s SBBJ Centre for Research in MSME & Promotion of Entrepreneurship in Women. Executive Member of IMS, DAVV Alumni Association. Member of Rotary International’s ‘Group Study Exchange’ team to Minnesota, USA. ESI Coach with FWSA Australia.
Note: For glimpses of work, watch YouTube Channel ‘Dr. Sandeep Atre at Socialigence’.
