Art for HeArt!

Posted on 14 September, 2012 by Sandeep Atre

“Battees baras kisiko bhoolne ke liye kaafi hote hain…”

While watching a feature on Sahir Ludhianvi (Poet & Lyricist) in a packed hall, I suddenly woke up to the fact, that in the worldly sense…Sahir has already died…in 1980!

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I believe that one of the reasons I did fine in training (and entrepreneurship) is that I was introduced to various forms of art at a young age! Every child should be exposed to art because ‘developed mind but un-blossomed heart’ make for ‘dry or cynical’ beings…! Thus, of 4-parts of a human-being: Body, Mind, Heart & Soul; ‘Science & Commerce’ may cater to the first two, but the last two can only be replenished by ‘Art’!

But it can’t happen unless we stop treating Art like background-sound to activities or filler in waiting-lobby/travel! Well! All enriching relationships are built on exclusivity! So we need to take out time to immerse into it…to emerge richer out of it! Or else, we’ll end up raising our standard-of-living and deteriorating our quality-of-life…

On a more personal note, I was lucky that while education took me to science and then management, my parallel stint with art (specifically music, poetry & literature) ensured my striving for both Sensibility & Sensitivity! But the turning point came when I heard the song “Jiyo to aise jiyo jaise sab tumhara hai…Maro to aise ki jaise tumhara kuchh bhi nahin” and…began my lifelong quest for Sahir!

Sahir died when I was still pretty-much a newborn…so how am I to explain why I connected to him? I feel Art is timeless; because what it deals with…is timeless. – Human emotions! That’s why beyond the constraints of time & space, an artist’s contribution stays relevant! He lives on…

Well! We all can’t be artists…but what we all can surely do is…pour a lot of our own selves into what we do! After all…that’s what art is.

Let’s be artists at work… Let’s Live-On!

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Famous writer Amrita Pritam (Sahir’s beloved) says “Sahir ko ye complex hai ki wo khoobsurat nahin! …Par use ye nahin pataa, ki wo shakhs nahin…ek ehsaas hai! Use mehsoos karne se chookoon…to dekhoon!”

I guess she was right…! Nahin to…

…Battees baras kisiko bhulne ke liye kaafi hote hain!

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Relationships and…MBA!

Posted on 11 September, 2012 by Sandeep Atre

“Only two such persons can be happy in a relationship…who are happy even without it!”

I staunchly agree with the above saying…That’s why I felt like cringing when he said…“I look so unhappy because I want to make her realize that it’s because of her that I am so unhappy!” My first reaction was “But that will only repel her further away from you…! And in any case, what are you achieving out of it”? This time, I couldn’t stop cringing because he said…“It makes me feel better!”…

Well! The biggest symptom of a pseudo-relationship is when “You want the person to be happy only with you…and if he is happy without you then you start feeling that he doesn’t love you anymore!”

Although a far-fetched analogy…but one thing seems common between Relationships and MBA! Both are either attracting wrong kind of people, or for wrong reasons…

By definition, a manager is someone who is more interested in other’s success; but ironically the domain of management is attracting a lot of those who are primarily interested in their own ambitions! Similarly in one word, relationships were meant for ‘Happiness’ but increasingly people are entering them for all the wrong reasons… to revive self-esteem, impress others, dispel loneliness or just some fun…!

As a result, what was meant to be a synergistic bliss ends up being an ugly battle for sadistic-pleasures; to be derived at the cost of each other’s happiness.

Well…those who enter relationships (and MBA 🙂) should remember that the most characteristically unique thing about happiness (and success) is…

‘You can’t get it…unless you Give it!’

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Imperfectly Perfect!

Posted on 7 September, 2012 by Sandeep Atre

Only someone imperfect can be loved… Perfection only intimidates!

Isn’t it strange that when you are totally dependent on your mother then she keeps complaining that ‘She is overburdened’ and when you become independent, she complains ‘Now, nobody needs her…’! Well! Shouldn’t sound strange…

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The truth is…‘people love you in a package-deal’! They are as much in love with your flaws as with your qualities! In fact, your flaws help them feel needed, and also make them feel good about themselves (that they love you in spite of them)…

So when they say…“You don’t keep your room clean!”, “Can’t you take spoon on your own”, “Why did you leave lights on?”, “Keep your clothes at the right place!”, “You again forgot our special day!”, “Why don’t you come on time”, “Why do I have to always pay for our tea?”, “Why do you speak so loud?”…

Or “Why do you call my nick-name in front of everyone?”, “You forgot to call me!”, “Why do you drive so fast?”, “Where did you keep the keys?”, “Don’t use that word again!”, “Again the same song!”, “Why same color?”, “How boring?” etc. etc… then they are actually falling more in love with you!

That’s why, when you remove those flaws… then, to them it only reads as ‘you have changed’! And…they simply don’t like that (even if it is for better)! So, don’t worry about those little niggles! They make you imperfect…and thus…lovable!

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In a world where the head cleverly maintains ‘associations’, the heart has reserved its rights on ‘relationships’! And heart doesn’t operate through intelligence, it works with intensity! That’s why it has better measure of magnitude and lesser sense of direction…

But it is special…in the sense that it doesn’t try to change the one it loves…!

 

PS: Your ‘flaws’ need to be harmless, and must not hurt the person beyond the permissible limits! Or else, the head takes over and becomes defensive! On this thin thread…lie relationships!

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An enquiry into the world of ‘Love S** aur Dhokha’

Posted on 4 September, 2012 by Sandeep Atre

Most women (not ‘All’) get attracted towards men with power, brilliance or enigma…

…but finally prefer the ones who offer security, importance & social-acceptance!

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In a session, discussion on ‘how to analyze’ moved to ‘Kanda-Geetika’ case and students ended up debating on who is the culprit – man or woman? At the end, a girl asked “But Sir! Why do these women fall for such guys, and what goes wrong later”?

Well! There is an interesting psychological-maze behind it…

All Politicians, actors, corporate honchos & public-figures have one thing common! They all have either… Power (authority/influence), Brilliance (talent/expertise) or Enigma (aura/quirk)! And these factors instinctively attract women (it’s evolutionary/ primordial phenomenon dating back to the early stages of mankind when woman depended on man and thus wanted to be with the ‘best around’ for her safety and her offspring’s prosperity). So, the whole idea of being with such men makes them feel good about themselves…

However, today’s women are independent individuals… persons in their own right! Courtesy education, they have developed a rational-mind! So although they fall for the impulses of primordial –brains… after some time, their rational-minds take over!

That’s why, once women get these big-guns, the same things that attracted them earlier… now start repelling them! Their power poses an identity-crisis for them, their brilliance makes them feel lesser and enigma isn’t there anymore! So now she seeks something else…

Her rational-mind now wants security (a dedicated guy with relatable visiting-card, a PPF account and…a snoring-problem she can tease him for), importance (a liberal guy, who remembers important-dates…and if forgets then brings a gift) and social-acceptance (family-photos on fb, getting comments like “You and jeejoo are looking so good…and Chintu looks cho chweet!”).

…This changes the scenario…

Well! A woman is weak only when she is in love! So now…because these women don’t see a future with these big-guns (as these guys are either ‘scared of commitment’, are already committed or enjoy multiple-choices over exclusivity), they come across very strongly at them! They want to quit! But then…these men perceive it as a threat to their power, brilliance or enigma (ironically, the very reasons why these women got attracted! Wow!)

Huh!!!! No marks to guess that now ‘Things can go to any extent…’!

So, whose fault is it?

Well! I respect the general-opinion that mostly it is man’s fault! But then, it can be seen either as ‘the woman got trapped by the man’s luring!’ OR as ‘the woman got trapped between what her primordial-brain longed for and what her rational-mind prescribed!’!

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In life, the mess that we go through, has a lot to do with the maze inside us…!

With a better awareness of this, we may still not be able to avoid going through it…yet we will have an increased understanding of how to deal with it… 

 

PS: A) The post isn’t on Kanda-case; it is strictly on the query raised by the student! It’s too serious an issue for a less-informed opinion! B) I will be a fool to claim that I know woman’s psychology! 🙂 It’s just a flawed attempt to analyze an issue from various angles! So, if you don’t agree, don’t send me hate-messages…Please! 🙂 C) By the way, there are also men who meet criteria of both primordial-brain & rational-mind of a woman! But, they are rare…so not everyone gets lucky! 🙂 🙂 🙂

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The Credit-Trap!

Posted on 1 September, 2012 by Sandeep Atre

Yesterday, one of my near-ones asked me “Don’t you feel bad that you have done so much for so many people and still they don’t give you the due credit”!

My answer was “Well! So far, one of my biggest achievements in life is not to help so many people succeed… but to help them believe that they succeeded because of themselves…”!

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Friedrich Nietzsche once said “Gratitude is a burden…and Revenge is a Pleasure”! I can’t say it better…!

Somewhere inside, every person is self-centered and would always use every possible opportunity to raise his self-esteem. Now, when you extend a favor to someone then just observe his body-language! His shoulders drop, spine bows, neck bends, voice wavers, volume lessens, eyes look downwards… in all, his whole being gets shrunk!

In such moments, you may like him more but the truth is… he hates himself! And when someone hates himself in your presence then sooner or later he begins to hate you! So then, he either looks for the first chance to unburden himself by returning the favor, or takes a subconscious revenge by keeping exploiting you through flattery! And if neither is possible…he simply avoids you!

In any case, it is not healthy for him, because it lowers his morale or corrupts his moral! So to avoid this vicious downward spiral and to do genuine good to people, it is ‘Best’ to help them believe that they succeeded because of themselves…This would give them the confidence to aspire for higher & greater…

Well! The only side-effect of this is that you would be deprived of a chance to pamper your own ego, but then I sincerely believe in the saying…‘A man can contribute a lot to the world if he doesn’t care…who gets the credit’!   

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By the way, she also asked me “But then why do you keep giving credit to people who helped you succeed?”

My answer was… “Because I would rather prefer to bear the burden of gratitude than the pinch of conscience”!

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‘Being there’ for someone…

Posted on 29 August, 2012 by Sandeep Atre

Real relationships are ‘low-maintenance’ ones. There is no pressure to prove, preserve or pamper! Whenever you stretch your hand…you find theirs!

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Strange are the matters of mind…One day, it moves mountains, and on another, succumbs to stones! On one such restless day when I was hopelessly clueless about how to handle the turmoil inside, I had one of the most fulfilling conversations I’ve ever had…

Strangely I can’t recall any words! In all, we shared more silences than syllables…And just when I was about to hang up, came the words “Well! Just take care that…If it’s a decision then take it looking at the long-term, and if it’s a difficulty then stay in your senses & solve it stepwise”!

I said “What if it is neither…?”

I could hear a smile preceding the words…“Then just hang in there, it shall pass…”!

I just said ‘Hmmm’! …and hung up!

Surprisingly! It felt a lot better, as if the tides inside had made peace with the shore! And it wasn’t actually the advice, but something else! It was the shared-silence before it, when you are allowed a space to simply ‘be’! Those few moments when someone isn’t there and…still is!

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Well! At the heart of it, all human relations are about the same things…caring through words, supporting through actions… and at times… just ‘being there’, without a temptation to judge or hurry to conclude!

We just need to figure out…when to choose which one!

 

PS: I’ve changed some words from original conversations as they were in Hindi…Well! No matter how western our sensibilities are, our sensitivities will still be eastern…

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Jogger’s Park

Posted on 26 August, 2012 by Sandeep Atre

The root of most of the Human problems is that when someone named us Human Race, we thought… Race was a Verb!

And Boy!!! Did it have an impact? You bet…!

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…He is intelligent but restless and fluctuating. He sulks, reacts and takes things personally! He appreciates miserly and introspects reluctantly! And one day when I probed, he said “Sir! I got to catch up with others…I have to prove myself to the world!”

Proving to the world?? And what is his so-called world? Out of 7 billion people, he is known to not-more-than 500 people, important to merely 50 and critical to hardly 5 of them! Still, look at the vehemence…!

Well! Many people are living a life not with a ‘sense of preference’ but with a ‘point of reference’…trying to impress someone by something! May be a parent, relative, friend, ex-love or a colleague; through probably a more percentage, higher package, bigger house, fancier car or ‘happier photos’ on facebook!

Fact is…We overestimate our importance to the world! No one thinks about us as much as we assume. And in any case, what type of ‘dent in the universe’ are we talking about?

Nothing that was built has stayed forever! All records get broken & all Bests get beaten…Every absolute becomes relative & every philosophy becomes a hypothesis…All facts turn out to be perceptions & all ‘ahead of times’ become ‘once upon a time’…! Such is the might of time and force of change…

Still…we keep entertaining our arrogant ignorance! Well! That’s the problem with ‘being human-Race’…

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So today, allow me to propose two new terms…! I believe that rather than Human-Race, we should be called…Human-Jog:

…Waking up for ourselves…Strolling at our pace… Enjoying the view… Sharing warmth with companions… Bantering with friends… Smiling even to strangers…!

… Running occasional playful-sprints… Celebrating ‘Win’ irrespective of who won… Halting to rest & relish … And eventually…Reaching the spot on the hill, from where…we have the Best view…of our own SUN!

And suddenly, the world is no more a racing-track…

World is…A Jogger’s Park!

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I hate Mark Zuckerberg…

Posted on 22 August, 2012 by Sandeep Atre

In undivided India, there was a saying “Jine Lahore nahin dekhya…Wo janmyaa hi nahin!” (Meaning “the one who has not seen Lahore is as good as not-born)!

…Few weeks back, a close student said “If you aren’t on facebook, you don’t exist”!

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Well! Belying every bit of my professional persona, I am basically an introvert…who likes to live close to his heart! However, I am also someone who keeps challenging his comfort-space! So, although being at a public platform is the last thing on my wish-list, when he said that line…I was struck by its intensity!

That’s when I said to myself “Let me first experience what…I’ve been trying to avoid”!

And an ‘Experience’ it was…

… To me, life is all about ‘Flow’…to keep moving ahead…without any desire to hold on to the slippery sands of time! I find neither glory nor affection worth an effort to pause or possess! So, I would prefer to live a moment completely than to capture it for re-living it later! In short, photos appeal less to me! Imagine, there were photos, photos everywhere…

…For ever, ‘getting people interested in one’s personal life’ was an exclusive-right of celebrities! But here, everyone could feel like a celebrity in his or her own right…! Speaking-up…Showcasing… Sharing; and almost ‘Summoning’ the ‘Compliments & Likes’ (no ‘dislike’ button)! Such a contrived way to feel special…

…To me, relationships are pious and pure…to be steered into, worked upon and arrived at! Can you imagine? For first few days, I was either asked “Kitne Hue?” or was told “Aapke to bohot saare ho jaayenge”! So disillusioning it was…

…I have always valued human-touch! And I am scared that the virtual-relating will make it redundant! All mushiness…the speaking silences, the nuanced expressions, the warmth, the feel, the vibes…all will get killed in impulsive hands of ‘Poke, Ping & Post’…

Uh!!! So much to hate…

But you know something?

There are also a few things I loved about facebook….And strangely…they are the same things that I have criticized it for!

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In life, Love and Hate share the same border! When love reaches extreme then it is only a flip away from hate (and vice versa)!!! Only a fine line separates the two…

…On that fine line lies…Facebook!

Mark Zuckerberg…!!! You Bloody-Bugger Genius!!!

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Why you shouldn’t hate critics…

Posted on 19 August, 2012 by Sandeep Atre

In last two years, the only Khan who has not been criticized by media or hated by critics or disliked by audience or compared with colleagues is…

Fardeen Khan!

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The other day, someone asked in a training-session… How to deal with criticism”?

Well! The fact is that the most of what we feel, think, say or do is not our own! It is a result of years of social programming we have gone through…In other words ‘Upbringing & Education’! So, need of approval is as basic a need as food, shelter or clothes.        

Now, suppose that I write something new! Now, actually I am myself not completely sure of how ‘good’ it is (no one ever can be)! Assume that now someone says it is good…then others also say so…then more…even more…and so on! With each nod, my confidence in ‘being good’ grows…my self-image improves! I start enjoying it!!! So far, so good…

Imagine that now suddenly someone says “It’s not good”! Now, the moment he says it, the original doubt that I had in myself comes back to fore! As a result, now a conflict begins inside me, between ‘My original doubting-self’ Vs. ‘My recently discovered confident-self’!

My first reaction will be to convince myself that I am still good…so I will just ignore it! If more voices join the opposition then I’ll become defensive…If equal number starts saying so then I’ll turn aggressive…If majority starts agreeing then I will get depressed…and if everyone starts saying it then I will simply give up! (My doubting-self has WON!)

So we hate critics not for their opinions, but for triggering our dormant insecurities!

Thus… The best way to deal with criticism is not by taking the criticism lightly…but by taking Praise less-seriously!

As they say…Take your work seriously, and yourself lightly!!

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And if still criticism bothers you……then just remind yourself that on any day if you would ask Fardeen Khan then he would rather prefer to be criticized…than ignored!

 

PS: So, from criticism…LEARN = Listen + Evaluate + Apply + Review + Navigate…© Sandeep Atre : -) : -)

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Making Monisha proud…

Posted on 16 August, 2012 by Sandeep Atre

You don’t need a marketing-professor to understand the difference between ‘Needs, Wants & Desires’…If you are from middleclass, you know it instinctively!

Well! Some feelings are just ‘© Middleclass’….

…the guilt after buying something expensive…the relief when you are able to justify it… the temptation of ‘Rs. 999 only’ trap…the pride of exploiting ‘Sale’…the thrill of real-time ‘cost-benefit analysis’ of menu-card… or for that matter the awkwardness if a guest comes while you are dining (as dining room is also the living room doubling up as to-be bedroom)..

Well! …We can actually file ‘for a patent’ on them…

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In such households, children feel almost a sense-of-duty to run ‘for their life’ towards the balcony when they hear the sound ‘Swooooooosh…’! As for them, Airplane is as much a heavenly body as sun and moon…to be fantasized about! Possibly that’s why, even today, …To me, it always seems like ‘The First time’!

Recently, with no other options left within the given constraints of time and space, I had to live my fantasy again to visit my sister! To my jealousy (the vintage-jealousy of every elder sibling), the window seat was occupied by someone else! With his Bermuda, light stubble, slow eyelash-movement, stiff lips and easy gait, it was pretty clear that for him ‘being there’ was ‘just usual…No Big deal’!

Well! The moment it took-off, the child in me was back to fore! And when I saw God’s aesthetic sense at work, he almost went out-of-control! Almost unknowingly, I stuck my Ostrich-Neck out…trying to find the best posture, to see outside the window…

It was then that the guy gave me one of those stares…of a blend of disbelief and disgust (In short…a Maya Sarabhai stare)! In an awkward attempt to salvage my pride, I looked elsewhere and then pretended to get focused on reading a book (I can’t tell you how stupid I felt, wasting time in reading a book up there)!

For next many minutes, I continued at the Heights-of-Stupidity! Then, I looked from the corner of my eye…! And after being convinced that he was asleep……I again stuck my Ostrich-Neck out.

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In life…Denying ‘what you actually are’ can be so suffocating! That’s why, as long as it is not hurting anyone, you shouldn’t miss any chance to connect to your original-self! Trust me, it feels so…Light!

I can feel her around…Giggling with pride!

 

PS: If you do not know Monisha or Maya Sarabhai, ask someone who knows! They will have fun explaining it to you…

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