The known strangers!

Posted on 1 December, 2012 by Sandeep Atre

With a weight of almost 1.5 kg, volume of approximately 1200 cubic centimeters, more than 400,094,800 cells and around 86 billion neurons striking randomly, the last thing that you can expect of a human brain is ‘consistency’!    

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Categorizing people as ‘your own’ and ‘others’ is born out of a desperate need to have predictability in life. Actually trust is nothing but a guess based loosely on extrapolation to a pattern of past! The fact is…Every time you meet someone, you meet a new person!

Thus it is important to rationalize expectations, review impressions and reaffirm evaluations! A touch of curiosity emerging from a sense of suspense is crucial in retaining one’s sanity and restoring one’s faith in the people who actually deserve it.      

Well! I am not asking you to be a skeptic or a cynic! Rather I am asking you to be innocent enough to shed off your biases, ignorant enough to stay observant and intelligent enough to crosscheck your assumptions. This would help you to avoid being let down, offset getting betrayed and prevent being overcommitted!  

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As Nida Fazli beautifully said…

 “Har aadmi mein hote hain das bees aadmi… Jis se milna hai, kai baar milna hai!”

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Hanged outside…alive inside!

Posted on 24 November, 2012 by Sandeep Atre

Now on, actor Aashish Chowdhry (Dhammal fame) is one of my favorites in Bollywood… 

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As lines like ‘India gets its revenge!’, ‘Aaaj manegi diwali!’, ‘Pathraai aankhon ko chain aaya!’, ‘It’s celebration time!’, ‘Sweets distributed!’ were doing the rounds all over… Aashish tweeted…

“Why should I rejoice Kasab’s death? I will NOT teach my children to rejoice anyone’s death; be it Kasab’s. They will learn to be non-vindictive and non-fanatical! Yes! Justice should prevail but I also sympathize with Kasab. He also was once a small innocent baby, like my son, but unfortunately born around wrong people and wrong teachings. I’m sure as a little baby, he didn’t plan it this way…”

Well! Before you react, let me also share that Aashish had lost his sister and her family in Mumbai terror attack…  

Thanks Aashish! We may not have such a big heart but we did learn that it is important to separate the act from the actor, otherwise as Nietzsche rightly said… “Be careful about who you hate…because you are always at the risk of becoming him…!” Or else how do you explain a whole festival built around celebrating Ravan’s death, when the war was actually against Ravaneeyat…!

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As I brought the ‘little girl in the house’ to the Balcony to see Ravan being burnt, she started crying…! I guess now I understand why? … Probably she knows a thing or two about humanity that we grew up and forgot!

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The Package tour!

Posted on 21 November, 2012 by Sandeep Atre

When Amitabh was asked why Bachchans don’t invest in stocks? He said…Babooji believed that the only money that suits our family is…the one we have worked for!

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The life seems to be a package-tour these days… No one talks about work, profile, satisfaction, contribution or significance…the favorite question of people seems to be “Package kitna hai?”!

Well! Money is a great motivator but a bad motivation! It is at best a byproduct of doing something for others, or better than others… So, what matters is what brought it! It is not about enjoying money, but actually also enjoying the whole process of creating it!

It is so because nothing corrupts a person like the money he does not deserve… and nothing corrodes a person like the money he has not enjoyed earning! Yes! In extreme circumstances, money is extremely important but that’s all its real utility is – in making you feel secure! It’s when you start using it for making you feel good that the whole thing becomes a ‘Big Bad trap’!

You may argue that ask those who don’t have it? Well, go to any real village (not suburban ones)… people there don’t have much money and you would be surprised that they hardly talk about it… They talk about everything…crops, life, community, politics, religion, festivals, occasions etc., and the only time money features is…when they need it!

The truth is…Everyone dies with some money still left in his savings… So when you can never consume it all…then why let it consume you totally?

Well! In package tour, don’t get obsessed with package…in the end, it’s also about tour!

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When a Bombay producer asked Satyajit Ray’s charges then he ignorantly quoted very low. Upset with this, his assistant sarcastically said “When you give a damn to money then why not free?” Ray replied “I don’t make movies to earn more money…I earn money to make more movies!”

And the Oscar for Lifetime Achievement goes to…

 

PS: This post is neither about stock-market nor Bachchans…so don’t sweat small stuff!

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Life’s ‘Most Wanted’!

Posted on 17 November, 2012 by Sandeep Atre

To avoid…is to leave ‘a void’ inside your own self!   

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I am often asked how to deal with people who you don’t want in your life, but they are…

There are many unwanted people in our life who we have to bear for various reasons – either we have inherited them, got them by circumstantial choice-less-ness or who have come as part of a package deal (they are important to the people who are important to us)!

It is good to deal with them in an emotionally-neutral way… behave normal… sound formal… talk general… discuss nominal… staying ignorantly negligent towards their irritant-talent!

It is so because trying to forget someone is a sure way to remember them! When you avoid anyone then they start constraining your choices and restricting your reach! Their existence gets magnified, eclipsing your own! This repulsion towards them creates a tension inside your own mind, blocking a chunk of your valuable mindshare.

So remember! When you avoid looking at the garbage, then your house stinks more! Better see it and deal with it! And yes! Shut-up while you do it…or else you end up breathing even more stink! Thus, unless they are too abusive or unsafe-with…take such people in your stride!

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The irony is profound…When people are most unwanted…they automatically become ‘Most wanted’!

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The Divine Coincidence…

Posted on 12 November, 2012 by Sandeep Atre

When we postpone pleasure… we disrespect a blessing!

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Our obsession for planning has crept even into the matters of heart! Now, even to be happy, we wait for perfect opportunities – the perfect setting, ambiance, company and modes! We want to govern the whole experience, not realizing that we are not the benefactor…we are the beneficiary!     

There are innumerous people who are trying to create happiness or even buy it… only waiting still for it! It is so because it cannot be manufactured…it happens to you by the call of the providence! So if you are feeling that upsurge of energy originating from your gut, traveling through all your being, culminating as a glow on your face and leaving behind lips ‘kissed wide open’…then you just got lucky.

This blissful moment is a blessing from the angels up there! They must have been celebrating and a drop of nectar has got spilled out…! That drop chose you, so respect this divine coincidence and relish it… completely!

It is not wisdom, it’s sheer truth! Don’t wait for certain occasions and valid reasons to be happy. If it is happening…then live it to the fullest! This moment is not coming again…as it is already on its way out!           

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Don’t wait for incidences to be happy… why forget…Our life itself was a coincidence!

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Games People Play!

Posted on 9 November, 2012 by Sandeep Atre

“Why do you attend so few parties & get-togethers?”…someone asked the other day!

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Well! I am neither a snob nor a loner; in fact I am pretty fond of people and really value relationships… Actually… it is the game that exhausts me…

…the game of looking good, timing your entry well, choosing the best pose, giving measured smiles, standing beside the designations, picking the precise words, saying all the right things, and making sure that you pleased all the people who matter & also the ones who can! In short, creating (or defending) an image while staying within the power-radius…! I hate this checklist!

Well! This choice of ‘not playing the game’ costs me a lot…

…but I am ready to pay the price…for what I value much more – My Authenticity!

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When I do things that I don’t mean… I feel mean!

 

PS: Right Guess!! ‘Instinct’ is one of my favorite movies. “It’s the game Ethan, the game!”

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The people who come in our lives…

Posted on 4 November, 2012 by Sandeep Atre

“In our life, some people come for a season, some for a reason, and some to share the journey”… I said as I recalled the old saying to answer a question…

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Beautifully true…

Those who come for a season, come to enrich our life…to introduce us to the gamut of its shades!  They care, love & share so that we can learn passion, togetherness and empathy…and they restore, value and inspire so that we can learn to dream, strive and create! These people help us open, explore and experience! They make memories for a lifetime…

Those who come for a reason, come to shape our life…to introduce us to us, with all our features & flaws. They pinch, hurt & betray to teach us patience, discretion and grace…and they stir, disillusion or destroy to teach us resilience, resolve & redemption! These people force us to introspect, rectify and evolve! They make a difference of a lifetime…

These two sorts of people should not be confused-as or wished-into being the third type! They come to us only to make us worthy & equipped for our destinations…to align our course…and to prepare us to be apt companions, to those who come to share the journey of life with us…who would hold strong, walk along and stand by our side…for a lifetime!

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But, how to know…who is who?

Well! The truth is that somewhere deep inside…our soul knows instinctively! It’s just that our heart doesn’t want to acknowledge…as it (with its ‘infatuations & biases’) assumes the right to decide ‘who belongs to which category’.

But it simply doesn’t work that way… As, it is the destiny’s prerogative to decide, choose & send…and our calling to follow the omens!

After all…Only it knows what’s best for us!

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Time is not money…

Posted on 31 October, 2012 by Sandeep Atre

One year, on our organization’s foundation-day, we went to an old-age-home! The idea was to make them feel special (or actually ourselves?).

When I tried to give a fruit-packet to one of them, he waved his hand horizontally and then vertically! When he repeatedly did that then I got a bit restless. It was then that another elderly said “Wo keh rahe hain fruits nahin chaahiye, bas baitth jaao…! Yahaan jo bhi aata hai, fruit de ke chalaa jaata hai, koi waqt nahin deta!”

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In this era of consumerism, we have started treating our lives as some financial year where we have to produce quarterly results. With this ‘time is money’ belief, we evaluate everything in terms of ROI… even emotions! We want efficiency…even in relationships!  

However, let’s remember that the only way to begin, enrich, strengthen or revive a relationship is to be together! No amount of justifications, gifts or facilities can compensate for the time… Yes! It is the biggest investment, sacrifice or payback that there is…  

So apply your best will & discretion and steal whatever you can from the clutches of time & space…to create some moments of togetherness…    

Talk heart-to-heart… listen unconditionally… take a walk… stare sky from the terrace… go for a long drive… share a coffee… dine cozily or maybe, just sit alongside and experience the quietness of an evening! Go… Spend time, and be there…

…because the Best Gift you can ever bring to those you love is…

You!

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The Warranty period…!

Posted on 28 October, 2012 by Sandeep Atre

If something makes you happy today, then…it has already become a potential source of sorrow for tomorrow!

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This eternal truth got resurfaced again, in a recent workshop on emotion-management… Yes! It is basic nature of the mind that all its indulgences turn out to be Siamese-Twins…

If you have been happy after getting a person in your life then you would surely be miserable when the person would go away… if you have been happier after getting success then you would definitely turn out to be a grouchy loser… if your popularity makes you proud then your oblivion is going to be painful…

If a possession made you feel heavenly then its loss will feel like the end of the world… if you are proud of your intelligence then any smarter guy will make you feel inferior… if your good-health is the cause of your pleasure then any sickness is enough to pull you down in the dumps…

Well! It is not a coincidence that when dimples are your prized assets… then a pimple keeps you locked in your room!

In life, every joy comes with a guarantee of sadness… it’s just a matter of time – the warranty period!

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Best way out is to base your happiness somewhere deeper than on people & objects…

Another way is to live it all up, without wanting it to stay…

Yet another is to participate in this play as an actor, without losing your core-self… 

And if your choice is ‘none of the above’, then a lesser substitute is… to remember this truth even when you don’t need to! So that…when it shall come, it’ll hurt less.

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the real thing!

Posted on 25 October, 2012 by Sandeep Atre

They say… It’s good to be insecure; it shows that you have achieved enough to earn the fear of losing it!

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Well! It is easy to be well-known! Smaller the orbit, easier the fame…And I guess I have managed to keep my orbit small enough to be well-known in it. An evidence is…As a trainer who is also an entrepreneur, I am often invited to give talks.

Recently, at an institute, anchor introduced me with words like success, reputation, respect & warm relationships (again proving my orbit-concept). But it did make me wonder…what has been my achievement till now: Success, reputation, respect and relationships?

To be honest…NO!

Well! I am always just one bad-year away from losing my success, just few average-sessions away from losing my reputation, just one allegation away from losing my respect and just one rough-patch away from losing my relationships…

This all can be lost, but…No one can take away the feeling…the experience… and the evolution that I have had while doing my work for all these years!  

Well! You can take away the destinations, but…you can’t take away my journey from me!

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In life, your only true possessions are the ones that nobody can take away from you…rest all is a thirsty-man’s hallucination in desert!

Don’t get lost in the mirage… remember the real thing!

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