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One can only be defined by the choices he makes!    

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Over the years, I have realized that one thing that most people avoid doing is…‘taking decisions’! They would postpone, delegate, discuss, consult and do everything but would not ‘decide’ on their own!

Well! Shouldn’t be surprising…

Taking decision is a lonely job! It suddenly reminds you of how ‘standalone’ you are in a seemingly networked world. What makes it worse is that the moment you take decision, it solicits a series of unattractive to-dos and attracts a series of unsolicited consequences. And if you are the one who put his foot down then they all come on your head!

So the best decision people take is…not to take one!

Well! But they forget that the loneliness of taking a decision and the burden of bearing ‘what comes in the wake of it’ is the only way to initiate, create, contribute, and above-all…build that all-important sense of ‘Self’ that helps us evolve.

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Make the decision! …because then…it’ll make you!

In a finite life, no experience can last forever, yet the change it brings…can!

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There are phases in life when you simply run out of luck! Nothing seems to be going right and everything seems to be falling apart, brick by brick! It becomes a whirlwind where the harder you try, the worse it gets. And you are rendered utterly…helpless!

In such phases, people avoid feeling that helplessness by being optimistic, religious, fatalist, superstitious or even cynical. Alas! Such a waste of an opportunity…

Well! When you go through one such phase, simply surrender to the experience…and flow with the flow! Feel that helplessness comprehensively, because it brings to you a realization that you were never the doer, but are…at best… a participant.

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…With that realization, you would still try ever so harder and yet…live far more lighter!

Standing purposelessly in the balcony is almost…meditative!

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As I stood there, with only a section of the road visible to me, I could see all sorts of people passing by. Gradually it became a game of sorts! I started looking forward to see who would enter next and then would just witness the vehicle they took, the stuff they carried, the words they spoke, gestures they made and how they interacted.

Well! Life for each one of us is like our section of that eternal road. People enter in that section because it came en-route. Thus, the relevance lies if only we could let them take their journey through that section without wishing someone hadn’t come, stayed longer or would never leave…

That way, we would respect the reasons for which our paths crossed, experience their presence without possessing it…and…

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…most importantly, enjoy the…balcony-view.

“Love is a set of relatively-permanent emotions shared equally by two persons for mutual benefit and fulfillment”…I said in a session on self-management, when asked to define love objectively.

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No matter how much you deny, the fact is that ‘you are the centre of your life’! So in any relationship, your focus may be temporarily on the other person but sooner or later it shifts back on to yourself. And as you come back in the spotlight, you evaluate the relationship in terms of ‘Return on Investment’ and of course expect it to be high; which obviously can’t be…because the other person expects the same!

Well! That’s why, when relationships get messed up, it is usually not the relationship but one or both the persons getting messed up in their minds. So, the good news is that because it is all in your own mind so eventually only you can sort it out; which automatically translates into the bad news being that no matter how much you would love to blame the other person, the responsibility is on…You!

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In relationships, don’t try to manage people…try to manage your expectations from them.

It’s like…one fine day you tune into an FM channel and suddenly realize that your favorite song is playing…And then you buy the CD…only to never get time to listen to it!

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I always tell people “Kaamyaabi kaam se milti hai, taraqqui soch se, par…sukh naseeb se”! I have seen people who have picture-perfect life and all the apparatus ready…and still the bliss eludes them. The wood is too damp for the spark!

Well! So if this moment is pregnant with bliss then see it as a rare alignment of your timing, placement and the proverbial planetary-movements! Now, don’t wait to be at a particular place or with a particular person. Just be there and get dissolved in the moment. Laugh a hearty laugh…cry a fulfilling cry.

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Happiness is coincidental…so don’t wait for the ideal coordinates; just cooperate with this moment when someone’s blessing has found you.

Happiness doesn’t lie in attainment…it’s in ‘rationalization’ or ‘anticipation’!

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I would wonder why people don’t want to face reality and rather build their cocoons and spend life inside them…avoiding questions and dreading answers! As I began working with and on people, I figured out why! It is because…

…“they want to be happy!”

Well! Happiness has nothing to do with what you have! It is not about reality…it is notional! It is about ‘perceptions about present’ and ‘assumptions about future’. So! You have to either believe that all is fine or…that it will be!

You have to have an ignorant faith: that you are good or you will soon be; you are successful or will soon become; someone likes you or soon would; someone understands you or soon will; in all…you are happy or soon shall be!

And when you analyze, the ignorance bids you bye, and…so does the faith! And you become an unhappy intellectual!

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Ghulzar was right…“Goli maar bheje mein…ye bheja shor kartaa hai” 

No one has ever said “Why don’t you understand?” without being upset!   

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Being misunderstood is probably one of the most discomforting things in life! Everyone is equally pained when they are misinterpreted, misquoted or mistaken…but why?

Well! We don’t exist as real people but as images in people’s minds! Our identity has less to do with ‘who we are’ and more with ‘what they think we are’. And being misunderstood is a reminder of this existential dependency!

…and when we fall victim to this dependency then we stand utterly helpless, frustrated on the inability of words in bridging the gap and dejected by the shallowness of all the ‘means to connect’!

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That’s why, far more valuable than “I love you” or “I respect you” is being told……..“I understand.”!

“Love should protect…yet not deprive”!   

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She said “He’s my love…he’s alone and needs me, I must be there to reduce his struggle”

I said “Do support him while he is licking his wounds, but don’t wish those wounds away…don’t guard him from the fight! Let him struggle…and look at life in the eye, because that is what will make a man out of the boy”.

I ended…“So, I urge you to be there for him, BUT I warn you…

…DON’T you dare interfere in…the making of a man”!

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Love should do its job…and let life do its own!

When you break promises made to others, you lose reputation…but when you break promises made to yourself, you lose confidence!

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Interestingly, when you resolve, then a part of your mind immediately starts revolting! The reason is simple, because both emerge from the same place – mind! So, what you need is not a resolution of what ‘you want to do’…rather…you need an awareness of why you ‘do what you don’t want to do’ or ‘don’t do what you want to do’.

Let me explain!

I have always believed that Geeta is all about symbolism! Arjun represents mind (mann) and Krishn represents intellect (vivek)! And when Arjun loses confidence to fight, Krishn doesn’t motivate him…he explains. He ensures that now when Arjun stands up, he doesn’t operate through willpower of mind (mann)…but from the clarity of intellect (vivek).

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Well! Transformation doesn’t occur by ‘claiming fists’, it takes place from ‘brooding chins’!

So…‘new year’s resolution’ or ‘year’s new awareness’?? 🙂

“Ya! We are back together…it’s all fine now!”… she said to me, with a far-away look in her eyes. Well!  I could see what she was searching for, on the horizon…           

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When relationships hit rough patches and subsequently people patch up, all said, something isn’t the same anymore! A part of you dies – the innocent overconfidence in the concept of ‘forever’…the belief in ‘ever after’ born out of deeply ingrained fairy-tales heard in cozy cushions on wintry nights during childhood.

You discover the fragility and fallibility of the words ‘never’ and ‘always’; and for the first time you don’t cringe at the boring-aunt’s advice of “be practical”…as now you know how she got this boring! You are more strong now, more ready to accept the unacceptable, more willing to think the unthinkable. Now, you know – “Where movies end…life begins!”

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Don’t be cynical! All those fairy-tales were true…it is just that you have outgrown them by opting to explore what lies beyond them – the next stage of ‘growing up’!

Don’t worry! You will be fine soon…even if it isn’t fine anymore.