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Sometimes, you win outside, and lose inside.   

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Life can be really testing even for a normal person. And it is not about major events like big diseases, great debts or painful divorces. It is about dealing with those small stressors which, in the larger scheme of things, look embarrassingly insignificant; but one by one, cumulatively, become heavy.

It is about lack of sleep, acidity, adjusting with awkward silence at home, a nonchalant loudspeaker across the street, remembering dates of the due payments, finding a space for parking, ignoring an annoying coworker, or weathering a traffic jam while the spondylitis has flared up.

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You handle it all. But it all adds up, to cause an internal imbalance. Take care.

हमें ‘जुनून’ के नाम पर ‘बेचैनी’ बेची जा रही है. ज़रा ख़्याल रखिएगा!

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अपने ख़्वाबों को किसी भी क़ीमत पर पूरा करने का ख़्याल बड़ा खतरनाक है. सच तो ये है कि हर ख़्वाब की क़ीमत मुक़र्रर की जाने चाहिए और उतने के आस पास की ही अदा कर के उसे हासिल किया जाना चाहिए.

क्योंकि अगर ‘हर क़ीमत’ पर हासिल करने की बेचैनी हो तो इंसान का ध्यान ख़्वाब के पीछे के ‘क्यों’ से हट कर ख़्वाब के आगे चिपके ‘क्या’ पर अटक जाता है. और यहीं से होशमंद यक़ीन एक अंधी ज़िद में बदल जाता है.

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और इस सब में वो जो खो देता है, वो अक्सर बाद में… ज़्यादा क़ीमती निकलता है.

Some people are eternal ‘misfits’. They are forever in search of a place for themselves.    

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Right from the beginning, they are different – a tad too sensitive, an ounce too observant, a bit too radical. They are not geniuses, though the proposition that they ‘could become’ remains untested. But anyways, they are too shy to declare that, and cajole others into believing it.

Initially, they pretend they can comply with the norm of the normal, but the fact is that a part of them is never ‘in it’. In reality, they are always looking for a niche which they can call their own – a part on the planet where they can come into their own and unleash their originality.

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Well, if you know one, help one.

When you know your ‘truth’, you have less ‘violence’ inside.       

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We all are two-faced people – each one of us. Only in our heart of hearts we know who we really are. Our darker side is a well-guarded secret that we meticulously keep, because it’s inconvenient to discuss and detail it. But it’s right there – coming out of the closet in moments of quiet aloneness.

Well, but that isn’t the actual problem! I mean, each of us knows that there is a side to all of us that none of us knows except one of us. The problem is when we ‘disown’ that side in the name of hiding it. Bad idea! Rather…grope in the dark, and get conversant with what’s there. After all, as they say…

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“It is not the darkness that we are scared of, it’s what the darkness hides”.

When you get offended by every feedback, people simply give up on you.   

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Giving feedback is as difficult as receiving it. After all, you put your ‘rapport with the person’ at stake, risk being perceived negatively, and increase probability of making the other person vengeful and thus inviting a possible loss of repute, reward or even resources. Well, isn’t that risking a tad too much?

That’s why, if you genuinely want to go up in life then you have to help people trust that they are safe when they give feedback to you. They must trust that you may naturally feel a bit bad about it but have ample reservoir of intellect to process their feedback without an agenda of getting back at them.

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And ya! It requires reservoir of one more thing inside you – high ‘self-esteem’.

अगर फ़ितरत में बेचैनी हो तो इंसान कहीं भी चला जाए बेचैन ही रहता है.

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ज़िंदगी में कुछ चीज़ें मेहनत और शिद्दत से हासिल नहीं हो सकतीं, क्योंकि कुछ मसले ऐसे होते हैं जिनका बाहर के हालात और आसपास के लोगों से दरअसल कोई ख़ास ताल्लुक़ होता भी नहीं. जी हां, कुछ बातें ऐसी होती हैं जिनसे इंसान को अपने अंदर ही निपटना पड़ता है. ऐसी चीज़ों में से एक है ‘मन की बेचैनी’.

ये ‘तरक़्क़ी’ की बीमारी है – नए दौर की, इन दिनों जिसके हम बड़े नाज़ से शिकार हैं. इसका हल तीन तरीकों में है – ज़िंदगी की रफ़्तार को कभी कभी जानबूझ कर धीमा करना, कभी कभी जब मुमकिन हो तब भी चीज़ों को जल्दी से पा लेने से परहेज़ करना, और दुनिया से लगातार जुड़े रहने की इच्छा पर एक हद के बाद लगाम लगाना.

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आइए अपने आपको थोड़ा ‘थोपा हुआ इत्मिनान दें’. क्या पता…शायद काम कर जाए!

ज़िन्दगी में हर खोई हुई चीज़ खूबसूरत लगती है.

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खोया हुआ वक़्त, खोए हुए रिश्ते, खोई हुई निशानियां, खोए हुए मौके – सब आज जितने हसीन लगते हैं उतने तो तब भी नहीं लगते थे जब वो साथ और पास थे. तब शायद मन कहीं और…कुछ और तलाश रहा था. तब जो हाथ में था वो मन में जगह कभी बना ही नहीं पाया.

और आज, जब वो नहीं है तब उसकी हर बात ज़हन में कहीं ज़्यादा ज़िंदा लगती है. उसकी सारी बारीकियां आखों को मूंदने पर भी और साफ़ और रोशन नज़र आती हैं. अजीब ही सही, सच ये है कि ग़ुम गई चीज़ शायद कहीं ज़्यादा मिल गई होती है और खोई हुई चीज़ को हम शायद…

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…कहीं ज़्यादा पा लेते हैं.

In relationships, long silences are often muted screams.   

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There are times when a person conveys pain or discomfort repeatedly, and in every which way possible. Yet the other person either doesn’t listen, or listens but ignores or doesn’t understand the severity. This happens due to other person’s insensitivity, rigidity, negligence or different priorities.

Whatever is the reason, it devastates the one who is more sensitive, adjusting, involved and committed. It is like left stranded in a jungle with sun going down; or being too invested to withdraw. This deadlock and imminent dead-end can take a real toll. And often, you have nothing left to say to the other person.

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Hence the ‘silence’.

Sometimes the best you can do is to sit on that thought and let the moment pass.   

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Yup! A moment comes when the impulse inside you fetches the deeply buried feeling, combines it with the heat of the moment, and is ready to belch it out as piercing words with unusual intensity. Well, what you do in this moment will make or mar… take or leave… redo or undo.

This moment can make a mockery of years of patience, this moment can make a mess which will take years to clear, this moment can relieve the burden that is stifling you from within, this moment can destroy the base on which you are building the life to come. Yup! This one moment.

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Wait for a moment! It’s just a moment. Let it pass. Can you?

You can’t expect to know your true self through the selfies you take.

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‘Knowing yourself’ is not reserved for domains of philosophy or spirituality. It has amazing utility in life. And contrary to the popular belief, it does not require sitting in the Buddha pose and tapping into the chakras. With due respect to that method, the fact is that there is more to it.

In life, knowing yourself requires “conscious tracking of your journey…through continuous analysis of your experiences…in the light of causes, consequences and changes”. Yes, it is about deliberating on ‘what happened’ in terms of ‘why it happened’, ‘what it led to’ and ‘how it shaped you’.

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And that requires, not looking at the camera, but looking at the…looker.