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In parenting, one’s negligence should not be overcompensated by other’s indulgence.     

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It is not required to do a ‘right’ for every ‘wrong’. This unnecessary itch to match every balance sheet doesn’t work well in life. At times, it is prudent to choose the apt time and proper way to balance ‘what wasn’t done’. And this is equally true for leadership, teaching, mentoring and most of all… parenting.

Well, unknowingly, at times parents vie for child’s affection, and often one takes another’s miss as a chance to tilt the balance. Due to this (and of course due to natural parental affection/concern), for one parent’s ‘not being there’, the other one overcompensates, and sows seeds for future problems.

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So, avoid overcompensating. One’s ‘negligence’ is best filled by other’s ‘attention’. That’s about it.

“कभी कभी मन करता है सब छोड़ कर कहीं दूर चले जाएं…

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…किसी ऐसी जगह जहां आपको कोई ना जानता हो”. ये एहसास तक़रीबन हर शख्स को कभी ना कभी होता है. और जब होता है तब इतनी शिद्दत और सच्चाई से होता है कि हम सच में भाग जाना चाहते हैं, ऐसी जगह पर जहां हम अपनी बेचैनी की वजहों से निजात पा सकें, सच में.

पर पता है सच क्या है? दरअसल हम जगहों या लोगों से नहीं, खुद से दूर भाग जाना चाहते हैं. और इंसान खुद से भाग रहा हो तो कहीं भी चला जाए अपने दुख का सबब और सामान साथ लिए चलता है. इसलिए, आइये खुद के अंदर की उलझन को समझना और सुलझाना सीख लें, वरना…

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…दुनिया में जगहें कम पड़ जाएंगी…सब छोड़ कर चले जाने के लिए.

Give your best and…forget the rest.

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During a session, a participant once shared his frustration regarding a situation he is facing. When he said out of sheer exasperation ‘I don’t know what to do’, almost instinctively, I ended up using those eternally-beautiful words of Reinhold Niebuhr “God grant me the courage to change the things I can… serenity to accept the things I cannot change…and wisdom to know the difference.”

I just added “So, you can’t change the facts of the situation. Accept them, and just change the way you think and deal with it!” As Shekhar Kapur has said so aptly… “Acceptance is truly beautiful if you understand it!” It doesn’t mean cowardice or inaction; rather true acceptance must lead to purity of action…with the awareness that ‘result’ of our action is often independent of it”. Wow!

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You know what! It worked! It works almost always. 🙂

कभी थोड़ा चुप रह कर रिश्तों का मान रख लेना चाहिए.

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‘आवाज़ उठाना’…’जवाब देना’…’चुप्पी तोड़ना’ – ये बातें उन हालात के लिए तो सही हैं जब कुछ उसूलन ग़लत हो रहा हो या बड़ा नुक़सान कर रहा हो, पर हर बात के लिए नहीं. मगर देखिए ना! हर छोटी बात को एक मसला बना कर उस पर बहस करना और पलट कर जवाब देना आजकल का नया तौर है.

इन दिनों हम अपने उसूल और अपना वजूद हर छोटी बात में ले आते हैं, जैसे कि बस इंतज़ार कर रहे हों एक मौके का. खुद की अहमियत की इतनी भूख हमें सिर्फ और बेचैन और खाली रखने वाली है. आइये कभी-कभी थोड़ा सब्र रखना, नज़रअंदाज़ करना, और मुस्कुरा कर बात को ‘ना बढ़ाना’ भी सीखें.

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इस तरह कभी कभी हार के जीतने वाले को…समझदार कहते हैं. 🙂

People who begin their ‘journey to top’ from bottom need to learn to bear some fools on the way.     

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For people starting from the scratch, the passage to success can be not only difficult but also frustrating. And, in comparison, difficulty is easier to bear because while you do go through pain, you also feel good as you are overcoming something challenging, and are growing in the process.

The relatively tougher part is the ‘frustrating-ness’. On the way, you invariably meet your share of strong-headed nuts & crackpots who make life difficult for you. They annoy with their ‘incompetence concealed by manipulation’ and amaze you with their ‘stupidity disguised as chutzpah’.

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Well, actually they are teachers that teach you patience, maturity and of course… ability to bear fools. 🙂

Teams are nothing but ‘families with more binding goals’.     

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In almost two decades of my work, one of my resentments with companies has been that in most (not all) of them, the moment professionals enter cabins and cubicles, they change. I am aware of the importance of getting into the ‘role’ but the problem is that many of them try & target to become a new ‘whole’. They tend to wear a new skin with dialogues, dialect and demeanor dictated by the designation.

Well, it is logical that, in tune with KRAs, people should change their behavior and actions at workplace. However, you can’t become neglectful towards the ‘person’ inside the ‘professional’ or suppressive towards its natural manifestation. At work, people shouldn’t turn into ‘fabricated and suave’ versions of themselves. They should rather be helped to become more ‘sorted yet natural’ versions of themselves.

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Let’s not deprive people of their real selves for major part of every week.

दुख हालात से आएं तो जायज़ है, कम-से-कम अपनी बे-वक़ूफ़ियों से ना लाए जाएं.
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गलती करना हम इंसानों की फ़ितरत है लेकिन बेवक़ूफी करना हमारा शग़ल बनता जा रहा है. तभी आज हमारे अधिकतर दुख हमारी अपनी अहमकाना हरकतों के नतीजे हैं. हम अपने लिए ख़ुद जाल बुन कर उसमें फंसने और फिर निकलने की जद्दोजहद करने का खेल खेल रहे हैं.

क्या ज़िंदगी के उतार-चढ़ाव और क़ुदरत के सितम कम थे जो हम अपनी चुनी हुई और होश-ओ-हवास की नादानियों से अपनी क़िस्मत को परखने की कलाबाज़ियों में लगे हैं. किस्मत भी हंसती होगी! ख़ुद ही बो रहे हैं, ख़ुद ही रो रहे हैं, और ख़ुद ही ख़ुद से बेज़ार हो रहे हैं.
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आइए इस ‘एक क़दम आगे जा कर दो क़दम पीछे आने’ के शौक़ से बाज़ आएं.

Sometimes people no longer miss you the way you miss them.     

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Even when two persons have the same emotion towards each other, they do not necessarily have the same intensity as well. You could be in pangs of love or throes of longing, and the other person may be feeling the ‘same’ emotion but not ‘equally’. This is where you need to develop an important insight.

Feelings are seldom binary – on ‘On/off’ mode. Instead, they have a regulator attached. And that regulation is subject to many aspects – circumstances, priorities, experiences, influx of new people, change in one’s nature etc. So you shouldn’t expect that ‘things between the two will never change’.

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Everything changes! Get used to it; and don’t create fuss unnecessarily.

Some things aren’t meant to be ‘searched’ outside but to be ‘decided’ inside.     

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Most people are obsessed with the need for information even in the contexts where insights are needed more. Yes, you can’t expect to find answers of everything outside, especially of the questions which are existential. And before you cringe, let me clarify that ‘existential’ doesn’t mean philosophical or abstract.

Existential means ‘concerned with the essence’. So existential questions pertain to the root of a matter – the basis. Generally, they are not ‘what’ or ‘how’ but ‘why’ questions. And it is logical that you can only find answers to these existential questions where actually your world exists – inside you.

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Yup! At times, it is important to close the eyes and… scan the disk.

The only version of your life that’s true is the one that’s happening to you.     

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Fantasy is always beautiful – it is meant to be; else no one is idiot enough to put aside ‘what’s happening’ to transport himself to a virtual vision of ‘what might happen’. And this fantasy has immense utility. It has an anesthetic effect on the paining heart and a stimulating effect on a craving mind.

But how will that ‘fantasy’ become a ’reality’? Well, only by being rooted right here, in the slippery sands of the present moment, because only in the womb of this moment lies the fetus of ‘tomorrow’. This moment is the one that, through its umbilical, nourishes that unborn to help it be born.

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So come back O traveler of tomorrow! It’s here that the journey begins.